My Dream

I mentioned my dream in my initial blog so here it is...where it all began and how He called me back to Him.  I can count on my fingers the number of people who know about this, even though it's been over three years.  I wished I could share it more, but I still get very emotional and it's hard to get out.  I don't believe this is something to be kept in, these are experiences He wants us to testify to and to share with others, so I will try my best to put into words the awesomeness of this dream.  This happened on Easter Sunday of 2008.  After some snuggling with my husband, I fell asleep for a little nap.  I have always had vivid dreams so I don't think I thought anything of it when I began to dream of swimming in a vast body of water.  All of a sudden something was coming after me.  A huge mass of a monster, without an identifiable shape or form, was chasing with me.  This thing was so dark and I knew instinctively it was pure evil.  Frantically trying to get away, I became aware of two men swimming beside me. (note--If I were telling you this story, this is where I officially become a blubbering fool)  As we continued swimming, I notice one of the men is staying by my side and swimming with me away from the thing as the other man is getting farther and farther behind, presumably to be consumed by the thing.  I reach land safely with the man by my side and, turning to him, I ask "Who was that who just basically sacrificed themselves to save me?"  With four words I will never forget, he simply said "That was my son".  (My fingers are shaking as I relive this) I knew in the deepest part of my soul this was God.  This was God who had saved me from the evil thing through the sacrificing of His son, Jesus.  I knew it and believe it with a certainty and clarity that still floors me.  At that point I woke up with tears streaming down my face, just sobbing.  My husband came in, comforting me and trying to figure out what was wrong.  The funny thing is, nothing was wrong, everything was so right.  I was so full of life and light at that point, I felt I could conquer the world.  Through all the wonderfulness of trying to tell a story while being that emotional, I told my husband what happened.  He just smiled and said "What took you so long?"  He held me until I was somewhat calmed down and I asked him what am I supposed to do with this?  Does He want me to become a missionary in some foreign country?  Why me?  We talked a little bit more and resumed our Easter festivities.  Back at work, I knew immediately who I needed to go talk to about this.  A coworker and good friend of mine had always been vocal and steadfast about his faith.  His faith being a beacon of light to me reminds me of the song by Nichole Nordeman "How the lost get found", but I digress.  I went to him and told him about my dream.  He listened and though no interpretation was needed, he put it in context for me.  He asked if he could share it with his pastor and I told him that was fine.  He later presented me with a Bible he and his wife bought for me, had my name on it and everything :) That Bible has now been on mission trips to Costa Rica and Haiti, but more on that later.  My husband and I later met with that pastor who wrapped us in God's love and we subsequently found our church home at Grace Lutheran Church.  We joined the church and I was baptized in the water where my journey began (figuratively since my dream was about water).  As a footnote I will add that we later discovered our daughter was conceived that morning, against 99.9% effectiveness odds, and her due date was Christmas Day.  Let me be the first to tell you, I didn't need a bigger billboard than that.

The thing I remember about telling non-family my story is they always wish they would get something like this.  But since my dream I have realized, it's not always about billboards.  Those are few and far between.  Sometimes its a postcard and sometimes its a post-it note, you just have to keep your heart and eyes open.  Whether it is the right song at the right time being played, a friend calling you when you need it most just because they were thinking of you, or its hummingbird towels at your wedding shower, He is talking to you in a special way and you know what he is saying, just listen and feel His peace.

 I am sure I have gone well over the proper blog length but I want to challenge you to listen and see what He is telling you today...

Trust

Wednesday morning we took our five year old to have his ear tubes removed.  We knew he would have to undergo anethesia and a small surgery procedure, as parents we were a wreck, worried about what could happen.  My son taught me about true faith that day.  4:30 am we carried him out to the waiting car, still in his pajamas, wrapped in a blanket (it was chilly), and left for the hospital.  He woke up slightly and groggily asked where we were going.  We told him we were going to see the doctor and the doctor wanted to look in his ears.  Expecting a barrage of questions, I was astonished when he simply said "OK" and went back to sleep.  That was it?  It was that simple to him?  As an adult I would have asked, "Why are we going to see a doctor when it is still dark outside.  I am still wearing my pajamas, havent brushed my teeth?  What's really going on?"  Not him.  He trusted us, as his parents, so completely that he simply said "OK" and went back to sleep.  I envy that complete faith and trust, it is something I struggle with in my day to day life.  I strive to have that kind of unquestioning faith in God and his plan for me.  I know it is what He expects, commands and for a long while to come, I will remember that morning and will do my best to tell Him "OK", without hesitation, doubt, or questions.

Why a blog?

Brand new to the world of blogging, there are some days I receive reassurance and comfort from other's blogs.  I enjoy reading about other families' experiences and knowing there are other people out there going down this same road.  An extremely private person by nature, doing this blog is totally out of my comfort zone, but my hope is that maybe someday, if will offer that support and encouragement to someone who needs it.  Not just a way to keep family and friends updated, I hope to meet new people and share in their journeys as well.  I am a full time working mother to three, awesome kids, a wife to my best friend and am in awe of what God's grace and love has changed in my life.  Brief backstory? Sure.  Never really expected to have children, always thought I would be a career woman, traveling, seeing the world.  Little did I know...  Married my husband who had a young son and figured OK, I can do this, and fell in love with him too.  Shortly after our first anniversary we were blessed with the arrival of our middle child.  All boy, this little being that was entrusted to me was so amazing, I was sure I was not worthy.  Easter Sunday 2008, I had a dream, literally.  More on that later.  Our daughter was conceived that day (much to our surprise) and her due date was Christmas Day.  Now I am the kind of girl that needs billboards from God and let me tell you, that was sure a big one.  *Thinking to myself* All right, I can do this.  God obviously had different plans for me than I did and I was happy and content in my role as a wife, mother and newly reaffirmed Christian.  Once again little did I know...but that's for another post.